I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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