what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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