I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
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