He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
