I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
