Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
