they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Randomize
