Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
