Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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