dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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