I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
