That's intense
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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