there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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