I'm gonna have a badass scar
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
