you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
