Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
