Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
