I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
