Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
