Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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