omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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