so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
