Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
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