did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Randomize
