I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
