I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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