Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
