plz talk dirty to me
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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