I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
