My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
