I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
