I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
