And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
