Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Randomize
