After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
