i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
