Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
