had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
