How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
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