Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
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