i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Is that strawberry winking at me??
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
