My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I love you.
Bad choice
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
