Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
