Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
