One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
