This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
