So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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