New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
