I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Randomize
