Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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