I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
My liver just broke up with me...
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
