North Korea, Best Korea!
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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