Well apparently he's into motor boating.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
