ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Randomize
