the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
