Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
