so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
